Somepeople wonder what I am doing at home so I will describe my typical day. I sleep about 5 or 6 hours at night. Consequently, I am tired during the day. Anxiety wakes me up early. I show my appreciation to G-d or the powers that be that I am still alive, either by prayer, or joy, or some other form of communication. More about my spiritual beliefs to come in a future blog if anyone cares.
I think I have some existential blogs coming up the closer I get to the surgery.
So I check my email and the weather. The closer the ten day forecast comes to April 26th, the more real it becomes. I take my vitamins and medicine and drink some coffee. I ran out of my healing beverage, Ciaga and have orderd some more through Maddie. I might blog if inspired. By then I am tired again so I have to go back to bed. Lily is happy because she never got up so now she has someone to snuggle with.
When I wake up, I feel guilty because i still have so much straightening out to do. I really worry that I might have trouble with my memory after the surgery so I am trying to put everything in its proper place and label it. Some days I do not have enough energy to do this so I sit and maybe call the doctors i need to call, making appointments or catching up,. I might try to do some art work and generally feel guilty about not being productive enough. i never feel productive enough and that leads me to believe I am lazy. i have so many ideas for stuff to create, paintings, collages, clothes, quilts, mixed media, knitting, cartoons, baking, businesses to start, efficiency devices, even lessons for my math class. My ideas for things to make certainly outlast the time I have in a day, or the ten days until my surgery, or all the evenings and summers I have in the future. I think maybe in retirement I will either have mellowed out focused in on one goal, or will have time to finish all my ideas. I used to tell Sachi that people cannot die if they are in the middle of something, like trying to finish a qulit. It was certainly true of my friend Roger who knew he was going but finished his book in before he passed.
Okay so by then I am also hungry so I eat something. I have been a little too nervous to eat and have lost a couple of pounds but lately I force myself to eat because I do not want to lower my immune system before the surgery. The food makes me sleepy so I nap again. Then Brian gets home and we catch up and play with Lily and feed Draco. I talk to Sachi on the phone for awhile. Then it is time to think about dinner, watch the news, primetime starts, so I sit on the couch knitting or trying to finish the Sunday crossword until Jay Leno starts and I am tired enough to try sleeping again.
Lame day, I know. The things I should be doing but have procrastinated on are Sachi's financial aid forms (fianlly finished that this weekend with Brian's help), straightening out my finances, writing a will, etc.
I suppose you could consider it cushy but if I were teaching, I would be too stressed out to do any of what I needed to do. I also might not be recovering.
Before the surgery the swelling from the bleed is supposed to go down. I am pretty sure it has by now because (even though the doctors would pretty sure it would not ever happen) I have reagined a lot of the feeling in my face. The only place I still feel it is in my tongue and left lower jaw. Also it does not really feel like novocaine anymore. It feels like I burnt my tongue and my jaw is itchy. I am also beginning to feel all the cauts and bites on my tongue and inner cheek that I inflicted on myself when there was no feeling. Hooray! Rest is good.
23 hours ago