Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Student Goodbyes

I met with all my students today. It was very moving. I was very serious whenI told them what a true pleasure it has been to teach them this year. They are open to learning, have positive attitudes and are willing to put in the work. I am so proud of them and so sad to leave them. Dakota said I gave her confidence in her abilities. Connor said no one had really ever pushed him before. Maurice (I love him so much) said I made him really like math. Jake made me feel better by telling me his grandfather had brain surgery and he is fine. Kate cried, as did Juliet, and Mallory. I know Mallory is really scared. She thinks birthdays bring you one step closer to death anyway. 6-4 was so articulate about what they appreciated about me. 6-1 made me feel very loved. 6-3 as usual was hard to figure out. They had little to say. 6-2 has the real workers and I know they just want to make sure the challenges keep up. I love all of them so much. I really think taking the time to get to know them individually in September helped so much. Gene said being new was hard but I really helped him make the transition. Laura cried too. Maybe I can get better fast and come back before the year is over.. I did end uptelling them more details than Ihad planned but Ariana thought it was better than letting their imaginations and rumors run wild. By the way, she was so helpful. I think she does an amazing job with the kids. I really needed her ther and it helped a lot.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Good Day!

I had a great day today. I think praying this morning helped a lot. I am grateful right now to wake up in the morning alive and able to do all of the things I want to do. I can talk and walk and sew and teach. I felt a lot of love from my students today and I am so happy for Melissa taking over my classroom for the rest of the year. All of the parents seemed totally okay about not having conferences.

I want to continue to recap the last few weeks though. So I went for the MRI with very last minute approcal from the insurance company. I even got there and Radiology did not have the approvalcode. They made me call the neurologist to get the code. Brian met me there and waited while I went into the machine. He said I was gone for two hours. I had no idea. Despite incredibly loud bangs, clangs, beeps, and other car alarm type sounds in the machine, I fell asleep. They pulled me out and injected some dye and then back in and I was back asleep. I guess I was tired.

We asked the guy who did the MRI how it looked and he said "I just take the pictures." He did say it was a good quality film though. Brian thought he was letting us know that there was nothing on it. Anudge is as good as a wink, you know. I thought he meant I wouldn't have to re-do it.

The next day I went to work. The doctor had said I probably would not hear until Friday. I knew I would be in Cambridge then so what could I do from there. I taught first period and then there was a class in my room. I did not take my phone with me because I was not expecting a call or subconsciously I did not want a call. When I went back the doctor's office had called three times. The message said, she wanted to see me right away. "This can't be good," I thought.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mojo's bracelet got here today

I have to say the note she wrote and the items on my bracelt really fell me with more calm than I have felt since this whole thing started. I keep joking about the negative outcomes but my energy is needed elsewhere. I know that now. I promise to focus on the positive from this point forward. Here is the link to Mojo's eBay site Such positive energy.

I do need to go back to my recap of the last few weeks because so so much has happened.

Feeling a little blue today

Went to former student Daniel E's 21 st birthday perty tonight. So great to se what a fine young man he is. Luke R also there such a surprise. We spent the whole time talking and of course after I left I thought of all these stories about him I could have told him. Anyway it made me happy and sad that they have such fond memories of my classroom and I am feeling so afraid for the future. My future. I guess I need rest now.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The MRI hassle

I saw a neurologist on Monday no biggie same touch tests, numb here? yes. here? no. Walk a straight line - actually a little harder than I thought it was. Dr. M hardly seemed alarmed and said I needed an MRI "sooner rather than later" but not an emergency. She said the receptionist would take care of it. J was not as helpful. I was told and have since had this confirmed that it take a week before my insurance company will okay an MRI. I was scared and impatient and kept trying to speed things up. I had already taken Friday off to go to see Sachi for Junior Parent's visiting weekend.I made the appointment for Wednesday and waited for approval. Tuesday I was worse blurry vision, nausea, so I called J and Dr. M. Well let's hope they approve that MRI soon. Wednesday I start tripping (no for real in the middle of the Olympiad morning meeting I fall down). Dr. M has me come in and says there is no change in the physical exam results. I told her I really am not a hypochondriac and she says it's okay lets hope the approval comes through. I check in with J who tells me she is leaving at 1 so if she has not heard by then I will have to cancel the appointment. Isn't there anyone here who can take the call after you leave? Oh yes I guess so. The appoint is for 3:30 so I go back to work and wait around.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Recapping the last couple of weeks

President's Day weekend, I went away with the girls skiing. I skied and they boarded. The last time I skief was with an ex in Utah and it was a horrible experience. Being many years later, I did not expect to find myself stronger, more full of energy or endurance, or any more reliant so I was a bit worried about what I was getting myself into. My friends are young workout types whereas I am sit on the couch and knit all day. Needless to say, I had a fabulous time. I took a lesson and the instructor was very kind. (The instructor in Utah made me cry.) I skied a lot and was tired without feeling beat up. I was later sore but not as sore as I'd anticipated. I start with this story because I think it was the last time anything felt normal.

Later that week, the headaches began. Beyond any kind of pain I had ever felt. I thought they were tension headaches because they came at the end of the day but they did not respond to even three, then a couple hours later three more Advil. I even resorted to some Naproxen I had leftover from gum surgery. The headaches came and went for about a week but I guess I just still thought they were tension headaches. I am a tense person with an intense job. Then on Thursday, while I was teaching 6-2, the headache got weird. It was only on the left and my face was kind of tingling. I found myself very impatient with the kids because I could not really focus on what was going on. Was I having a stroke?

Because the pain had receeded and the tingly numbness was intermitant, I brushed it aside. I thought a call to the doctor would be premature. Friday late afternoon I called and left a message and I figured that would be enough. The fact that she called me right back and told me to page her any time made me a little bit worried. Could this be something serious? Nah!

Saturday morning the numbness was worseso I paged Dr. O. She sent me in to the office to see a colleague even though the office was technichally closed. After a few balance and touch tests he told me to se a neurologist on Monday.