Monday, February 23, 2009

Blogging is Narcissistic

Today I left one of the few places I still felt accepted in tears. What the hay? My brain injury support group was discussing the web and social alternatives. I go to the group because I read that I need human contact. I feel alienated because I rarely see friends. At work, I am up on the fifth floor so no one seems to remember that I am there. Or they remember but what they remember is post-injury and it does not seem worth it. Who knows? I am on a new campaign to be me, to be what I'm like, to be like myself, and so I'm having a wonderful time. Ooops! They Might be Giants tangent. My former student Roman comes to visit me. He is awesome! He brings hilarious clips from Conan or Leno for me to watch.

So why did I walk across Central Park from the east side today with tears and snot running down my nose? Fatigue? Hunger? My assistant upon whom I depend a lot these days was out today? Also, last week my request for sensitivity training for my colleagues was denied and I was strongly encouraged not to remind anyone about my injury. So then today when someone requested that maybe my assistant just fill in for them when they have a doctor's appointment, I felt annoyed. Her aid enables me to do my job and still only about 1/2 as well as I used to do it. She is not a luxury or a floater. Whatevs. Dark, dark, dark! Back to the support group...

Facebook, text messaging, etc. were the topics. When blogging came up, I shared that I started mine to keep friends and family up to date on my medical status after my stroke and before my surgery. THE SUPPORT GROUP LEADER said that it seems kind of narcissistic to keep a blog. Like, what makes anyone think someone wants to read what they have to say? I reiterated that my purpose, expectations, etc. and she said so if you are talking to a guy in a bar and he says he blogs, you should walk in the other direction. I said, "Thanks a lot!" and she said but you know what I mean?

Yeah! I am a narcissist! I hope everyone reads my blog! Maybe I will win the Blog of the Year Award! Is there a Blog Pulitzer? Am I on the New York Times best read blog list?