It left me thinking about the phrase "get better." I am getting better. I have more self-control during non-stressful situations. My coping strategies have improved. Acceptance of my leaky brain is improving my relationships due to increased trust and fewer arguments. As I floated down the street, I allowed myself a little fantasy. What if I get so much better that I can teach again? It's true that I donated all of my math and gifted education books to a good cause. No matter because I would be walking into a new situation where I would need to be told what to teach. It's also true that I dropped out of my master's program. Also, not a problem since I could use the credits towards certification in New York.
Case in point:
- In the last ten days I have lost:
- my favorite new hat
- the keys to my storage room
- a check
- my mini voice recorder
- my iPod touch
- a prescription I was supposed to get filled
- In the last ten days I forgot:
- to bring checks to my doctor's appointments
- to pick up laundry from the basement
- to put milk back into the refrigerator
- to mail a letter and ended up carrying it around for days
- to take the remnants of a sandwich from my purse
- the point of this blog entry
- to eat lunch twice, leaving me cranky and confused until dinner
- to feed my dogs one day
- In the last ten days I found:
- a gift certificate that I keep misplacing
- two checks that I never deposited, one 18-months old and the other 3-years old
- three prescriptions from 2010
- four doctor's bills from 2 years ago that I never submitted for insurance
- and no golden rings - "Engagement ring, I miss you so much!"
- In the last ten days just out of anxiety I bought:
- knitting needles that I do not need
- 3 new bags that I do not need
- pounds of candy that I should not be eating
- four poly-cotton t-shirts online for Brian, absolutely certain they were 100% cotton
- articles of clothing that do not fit from the thrift store to alter
- a cheese quesadilla
I also double booked appointments twice causing last minute scrambling. I have not made two important phone calls I was supposed to make. I spent a whole day trying to mail one reimbursement form. I went back home several times because I forgot something I needed. This caused me to be late or unable to complete tasks. I yelled at a sales person. I tripped and fell down in the subway. I screamed when someone walked too close to me. I called my pharmacist stupid because he didn't fill one of my prescriptions. I interrupted every single person who tried to talk to me. I misunderstood at least a quarter of what was said to me. I argued with my neurologist about how to read my MRI. WTF!
All of this is not so unusual for a ten day period. In general I note my limitations and keep working. I guess it just hurts now because I kind of thought I was "getting better."