Monday, December 15, 2008

The Arm of the Oracle

My walls of denial are crumbling. I cannot do what I thought I could. I also really need help from others. The only problem is what. What do I ask for? How do I ask for it? I was a very independent, stubbornly resistant, able to do it all kind of gal. Now I really need other people but I do not endear myself to my helpers. I talked with my CR doctor. I think it is a big step to even admit that there is a problem.
So as I was leaving her office I slipped and I was about to go flying onto the sidewalk but there was a woman in front walking by and I reached out for her to steady myself. She was so far away, but she stuck out her arm and braced herself to be grabbed. It worked and I held her arm. I did not fall. I was amazed because these things seem to happen in slow motion and I never think I am going to hit the ground.
I thanked her profusely and she yelled at the doorman about how I almost killed myself on his slippery doorway. And then I realized the synchronicity of realizing I need help from other people but am not clear with them about what it is I need and physically reaching for an Oracle from the Matrix resembling lady whose red down jacket enclosed arm was there. She saw what I needed and she gave it. I need to make my needs clear and thank the people who do for me what I cannot do for myself.