Sunday, August 24, 2008

Planning – Executive Function

• I ask people to wait; I only need 2 more things, five minutes.
• When I find it each item, reminds me of another essential thing.
• I cannot plan because I cannot actually see more than one step in front of me at a time.
• Each object is a clue to the big picture.
• That is when I am lucky enough to convince someone to wait for me.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sachi and I decide to hang out on the roof and catch some rays.

“I am ready whenever you are.”

I put on some sunscreen. Offer some. Chat about Fire Island, Buck’s Rock, dinner, art classes. I look and find for the SVA catalog. Winter 2008 seems like the correct one. I’ll work on my found object project so I grab the container with those.

All I need is thread then we can leave. Give me two seconds.

“I really want to go. You said you were ready five minutes ago.”

I spot the thread and next to it is a pair of scissors.

Oops! Yes, of course I need those too and
(Oh, crap)…

I know. I know, Sorry. I only need a needle now.

“This does not sound like two seconds, I think you need a little more time. Can I help you? What else do you need?”


I want to stop and ask for help because there is probably something else but… what?


It is hard to find because… I do not have my glasses on.

Now, I just need my glasses.

I suddenly see why I am always late. I don’t know what else I need until I find the first thing. The related things aren’t staying in my head with it. While looking for glasses, I am holding the thread, scissors, needles, fabric, etc. All the objects I have collected are in my hands so I do not forget to put them in the bag.

OR I set them down somewhere and then can’t find them when I find the next (if I remember that I even set them down; I could just leave without them)

BECAUSE if I stopped and packed them, the item I just remembered I needed (glasses) flies out of my head. Since the ones I had in my hand are packed I have nothing to remind me of the next and I go searching with no purpose and every single thing I touch has some other possible association. Now I have lost track of the purpose of my trip, where I am going, and why I even needed the thread, and I still don’t have the glasses so I am not finding sought object but I don’t realize why it is so hard to find.

AND all this while (if I am alone) it really does seem like just one more thing and only a few minutes so when I glance at a clock on my way out, I am stunned to find that 40 minutes have gone by and I now have 20 minutes to get to my destination 45 minutes away.
THEREFORE, I run out the door clutching a banana, glasses, three $20 bills, letters to mail, and a book (it could have been what seemed so important to bring). I drop all of them as I lock the door. I stop and throw them all in the bag loose (except the letters to mail because the box is right there) and for the rest of the day seem to be unable to locate the cash because I probably dropped it in the mail box with the letters. I am hungry and can’t buy any food but the banana is down there forgotten squashed under a huge pile of other stuff in my bag that I do not need.


My sister says she never dreams at night
there are days when I know why;
those possibilities within her sight,
with no way of coming true.
Some things just don't get through
into this world , although they try.

-from Rosemary by Suzanne Vega

I think some things are coming through into this world. I think they tried so hard they had to break their way through. My head got a little broken in the process but the damage maybe gave me a different kind of sight. It is letting me see new possibilities.

Dreaming is not verboten anymore.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

CAREFUL! careful

Peter Chadwick, a doctor and researcher of the mind lost his when he was younger. He recovered and wrote an article about it.

I was stood in the middle of a mountain of paper on the first day when a secretary said "You've got a job for life there!" I replied suddenly and loudly with "I know!!" Immediately, everyone in the office froze and looked at me with wide eyes. I knew at that moment that (as usual) it was not quite the right thing to say. I should have smiled perhaps and said more softly "Yes, it looks a bit of a job, I'll do my best for you" but "I know!!" was just that tiny bit aggressive, overassertive, perhaps a bit presumptious, and a bit impulsive. It was "sort of OK," but (as ever) it just was not quite right.


This was the day before he spun into madness.

How bad is it that I feel this way every day? The tiny tightrope line between psychosis and remembering to use appropriate social responses is where I keep thinking I am walking.

My daily mantra for morning meditation (which I came up with last week way before I read this article) is: Today I will speak to others and myself slowly and with patience.

Found via Mind Hacks one of my new favorite daily reads.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I am one proud mom!!!

She did it. She worked so hard and made it and graduated proudly cum laude. She wrote a thesis with an adviser with whom she actually met. Don't ask. I feel redeemed. Harvard gave me this great opportunity and I did not take full advantage of it but I raised a wonderful daughter who could. She has such great friends too. I miss Barry.