Can I get up now?

That's what the kids ask when they think their time-out has gone on long enough. Sachi would say it when she thought enough time had been wasted pretending she was napping and she could have been reading. That is how I feel now. Every day I have more energy, better senses, appetite, focus, etc.

Yesterday I had a horrible day. Tuesday we went to have the stitches out and the doctor says time to switch to ibuprofin. I am fine with that as long as it helps with the pain. At this point I am only aware of pain when I am between medicine times. In other words since last week on Wednesday, I have taken the Tylenol with Vicodin every six hours. So I go home and in the afternoon I start the ibuprofin and within two hours I am in a lot of pain. I hardly slept but when I got up I was in so much pain I could only curl up on the couch and hold very still. At nine I call the doctor and don't hear back from anyone so at noon I call again and by now I am frustrated and crying. Angela says I should alternate between the two medicines (which to me is like okay you can have pain and then no pain). Also now Angela says the doctor wants me to get a cat scan. All of this took like three phone calls back and forth. I start to feel like there must be something wrong with me that I am still in so much pain. Angela says it is just a set back. SET BACK? I have been getting better and better. So much better. Then I stopped taking the medicine and that is called a set back. Long story short, many teary phone calls to the people I have come to love and trust on this matter, namely Emily and Judy. I am back on the pain meds at least for five more days. I really do not want to end up an addict. Fear of suffering is often worse than suffering itself.

Okay my current obsession is what happened to my thank you video I made for my students. Last week Melissa brought me cards that all my students made for me. They were so beautiful and personal and I was really moved by their love and concern. So really with very little energy to move around, I wrote a script and Brian helped me film it, then my mom helped me film it again Monday, so it was done on Tuesday. I called Maddie Tuesday morning asking her if she could bring it in for the kids that day. They worked hard to make my cards so I worked hard to make the thank you. I thought it might reassure them that I was okay. So despite the fact that the concert was last night and she is really busy, Maddie brings it in Tuesday and as a courtesy I mention to Meryl that she could take a look at it before Melissa shows it to the kids. It is only three minutes long (and I believe fairly innocuous). That was it. i have not heard back from Meryl, Melissa has never even heard of the video, and I am sad that the kids have not seen it yet.

Tomorrow is Field Day. I am missing everything. I am getting better. Every day such a difference. Look how much I am writing. Granted it is 5:30 in the morning. I only walked once yestereday because I spent the whole day writhing in pain, crying, or talking on the phone.

In the evening Danielle came to see me. She was and always will be one of the most beautiful people I know. When I talk to her, I feel like she really listens and really cares. I always wish I could be more like her. Even though I know I am self-centered, I try to really listen to other people and ask questions. Danielle is natural. She has two kids now and she works really hard but she still has the energy and compassion to come and see me and make me feel important to her.

After that David came by and we ate Chinese food and watched America's Next Top Model. David is my best friend from college. Even though we never get to see each other anymore, I do not think there are many people who know me better than David does. He probably does not think about it that much but we went through a whole lot together. Actually his wife Ruth (I got them together) reminds me of Danielle. She was the first to show up after Tim died. Even though it was the same day as Roger died, she recognized how hard it must have been and brought me food.

Anyway I am starting to get exhausted from looking at the screen so I have to go. I want to be better now!