CAREFUL! careful

Peter Chadwick, a doctor and researcher of the mind lost his when he was younger. He recovered and wrote an article about it.

I was stood in the middle of a mountain of paper on the first day when a secretary said "You've got a job for life there!" I replied suddenly and loudly with "I know!!" Immediately, everyone in the office froze and looked at me with wide eyes. I knew at that moment that (as usual) it was not quite the right thing to say. I should have smiled perhaps and said more softly "Yes, it looks a bit of a job, I'll do my best for you" but "I know!!" was just that tiny bit aggressive, overassertive, perhaps a bit presumptious, and a bit impulsive. It was "sort of OK," but (as ever) it just was not quite right.

article

This was the day before he spun into madness.

How bad is it that I feel this way every day? The tiny tightrope line between psychosis and remembering to use appropriate social responses is where I keep thinking I am walking.

My daily mantra for morning meditation (which I came up with last week way before I read this article) is: Today I will speak to others and myself slowly and with patience.

Found via Mind Hacks one of my new favorite daily reads.

I am one proud mom!!!

She did it. She worked so hard and made it and graduated proudly cum laude. She wrote a thesis with an adviser with whom she actually met. Don't ask. I feel redeemed. Harvard gave me this great opportunity and I did not take full advantage of it but I raised a wonderful daughter who could. She has such great friends too. I miss Barry.

You like me, you really like me...

Yes I feel a little bit like Sally Field. AGAIN! It is unfortunate that I rely so heavily on outer sources for my sense of worth. I'm working on it. The timer for my internet quota just went off so priorities call. BPNT! better post next time

should it be easy
to put the pieces in place
make them fit then sew

Molly Wants to Break FREE!

If there was ever a doggy who needed to be sent to training camp ... Actually, she is so sweet! We miss you Molly! They better be nice to you! We'll show them what you can do to that Linon Puppet! Major damage!!

It is nearly a year!

I mentioned to Melissa C. that I wanted to have a party to celebrate the one year anniversary of my brain surgery and she thought it sounded weird. I suppose it does but don't we celebrate the milestones in our life? How about the one year anniversary of the day I could have died but I didn't? Or how about one year ago, a bunch of people helped me make it through a rough time and I want to say thank you by inviting you all to dinner.

I am in a good place right now because even though I am still having problems with my memory, keeping track of time, writing on the board while trying to explain a concept, concentrating, effectively carrying out any plan, or writing a minimal TO-DO list in under 45 minutes, things are looking up. I met Jason C. and he reminded me of the importance of gratitude. My principal is finally beginning to understand that the problems I am experiencing are not as a result of my unrealistically high expectations for myself nor due to some emotional breakdown people perceive me as having. At Melissa C's suggestion, I found a benign brain tumor support group. They laughed as I described my frustrations over the past year, not out of ridicule, but recognition.
"I feel guilty complaining when I am lucky to be alive."
"I do not really want to hear how great I look."
"The over sixties all tell me none of them remember a thing either. And did you lose your memory overnight when you had brain surgery at 44?"
"Why do people think it is reassuring to hear, 'Well, you're still smarter than most people.'"
"Don't you think the pressure is causing those symptoms? I think you are just depressed."

I AM NOT DEPRESSED! I love life! I love laughing and talking with my daughter! I love my husband and family! I love knitting and painting and sewing and math! I love crossword puzzles and fixing things! I love the beach and my dog and cereal and helping kids learn to love math as much as I do! I love looking at beautiful art! I love wearing clothes that are different from what everyone else wears! I love coming up with creative ideas and inventing things!

So I think it is okay to celebrate. I will celebrate life and the gift that we all have to have it!

Tranny Karen

I bought my first dress form on eBay. The seller had no feedback and had found the form somewhere in the garment district lying in a gutter, another victim of the fashion industry tossed aside. She had no stand so I propped her on a stool. Later I bought her a stand from another eBay vendor who sold full dress forms but had one stand with no form. Surprisingly, neither auction had any other bidders so I got both pieces very cheap. Sachi was a little freaked out by the torso when she arrived in a package wrapped in disassembled cardboard boxes and bound with yards of packing tape. When I told her about the eBay transaction, she looked at my account, and looked at me doubtfully.
"You bought a body form on eBay from a seller named 'TrannyKaren'?"
I guess it did seem kind of weird after she put it that way. Images from Silence of the Lambs popped into my head.
"But it was such a bargain..." (The fight song of the eBay addict.)
The name Tranny Karen stuck and even though she has no head, I picture her looking a little like Nathan Lane in The Birdcage before he draws on his eyebrows or puts on his wig. I wonder how these events affected Sachi?

importance-of-having-eyebrows

They always did...

Individuals with a temporal lobe tumor or lesion a
re often said to have a temporal lobe personality.
Aspects of this particular personality are that
they may be more likely to have aggressive outbursts,
overemphasis on trivia, pedantic speech,egocentric...

In addition to aggression, individuals with a tumor or lesion on their left temporal lobe may be more sensitive to slights and even appear mildly paranoid. Unlike people with schizophrenia who can become frankly paranoid, temporal lobe dysfunction often causes a person to think others are talking about them or laughing at them when there is no evidence for it. This sensitivity can cause serious relations and work problems for the individual (www.brain place.com/bp/brain system/temporal.asp).

Reading and language processing problems are also common when a tumor or lesion occurs on the left temporal lobe. Being able to read in an efficient manner, remember what you read and
integrate the new information relies heavily on the dominant temporal lobe. This is an essential skill in the modern-day world and can cause severe distress for individuals who are unable to perform such tasks sufficiently. (www.brainplace.com/bp/brainsystem/temporal.asp).


I was talking to my friend Jon and complaining about how my recovery was affecting my job. "I keep getting in fights. My coworkers hate me." His response: "So what? They always hated you. You never cared before." I had to laugh. I appreciate that he speaks his mind and it does not hurt because I trust that he holds me in high regard. When I spoke to Steven C. at the benefit he said he only remembered three teachers from his years here: Me, Mr. K and MT. Was it the passion for our subjects or the yelling tirades or the inflated egos?

Life Under the Titanium Plate

They cut a hole in my armor
Exposing me for what I am
The guards put down their weapons
Leaving me open and unarmed

I prepare for the onslaught
It is only a matter of time
All the waiting All the fear
And yet the first blow is always mine

In the distance I hear the bombs
The enemy is growing near
How will it feel after all this time
Soft flesh, raw nerves, cowering in fear

I look the same on the outside
My protection was a disguise
But I was the only one who knew
Behind the mask are a child’s eyes

My mom is writing poetry in her sleep

My mom had a dream that we (mom, my sister, me and our husbands) were all watching a poetry show on a big bed. The poet said, She's having a Bad Attitude Day! Let's Give Her Some Latitude Day! My sister was offended because she thought it was about her. My brother-in-law Paul was jumping up and down on the bed roaring with laughter because he thought the poetry was hilarious.