My walls of denial are crumbling. I cannot do what I thought I could. I also really need help from others. The only problem is what. What do I ask for? How do I ask for it? I was a very independent, stubbornly resistant, able to do it all kind of gal. Now I really need other people but I do not endear myself to my helpers. I talked with my CR doctor. I think it is a big step to even admit that there is a problem.
So as I was leaving her office I slipped and I was about to go flying onto the sidewalk but there was a woman in front walking by and I reached out for her to steady myself. She was so far away, but she stuck out her arm and braced herself to be grabbed. It worked and I held her arm. I did not fall. I was amazed because these things seem to happen in slow motion and I never think I am going to hit the ground.
I thanked her profusely and she yelled at the doorman about how I almost killed myself on his slippery doorway. And then I realized the synchronicity of realizing I need help from other people but am not clear with them about what it is I need and physically reaching for an Oracle from the Matrix resembling lady whose red down jacket enclosed arm was there. She saw what I needed and she gave it. I need to make my needs clear and thank the people who do for me what I cannot do for myself.
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12 hours ago
6 comments:
It's been a while since you've blogged. Glad to have you back, Al.
You may find that you don't always even need to ask for help - sometimes it just presents itself as it did with the lady who helped you keep you balance.
xoxox
Allison
No, see that is the whole point of my post. I have not asked. I did not want to admit that I needed anything from anybody. Her arm was there as a direct result of the way I reached out.
I think I wrote it worng...I should have said you don't ever need to ask; but people offer help anyway.
I know it's hard to ask for help. I never really like to and I NEED to in many instances.
Boy, do I ever hear you! I am exactly that way. I just refuse to even consider that I need help -- I think because I have such a hard time first of all figuring out that I'm in trouble, and then I have such a hard time articulating exactly what I need... and by the time I figure it out and can put it into words, the situation has come fully upon me and I am up to my ears in the oh-no-moment, flailing around, looking like a total idiot, sinking deeper and deeper into the... issue.
It's so much quicker to try to figure stuff out for myself and then try to address it, rather than trying to put into words what just IS.
Thanks for the post.
BB
Great blog! Thanks for directing me here. I will Link yours as soon as I can figure out how.
Hey, I figured it out! We're cross linked!
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