Today I am fifty.

As the seconds tick by, I begin this post in a moment frozen in time. I have lived for one half of a century.

The event on Saturday was wonderful. Thanks to my friend who hosted it. Not only does she have an amazing apartment and a great eye for displaying art, she is kind, warm, and generous. We all held it together and it was a great success.

Seeing my work arranged that way was so fulfilling. It was kind of wacky though that the one piece so many people seemed to think was amazing was something I have shown them before. I did make a few changes to it before the show but still. When I first made it, I showed everyone. I thought it was so cool. Bleh. Nobody agreed. I kept it although I remember thinking about throwing it away once. It was the hubby who said not to throw it away. Then as I am getting ready for the show, he looks at it and asks me when did I make that. Umm. It was hanging on the wall in our bedroom for the last 4 years.

My daughter collected memories from people and put them in a scrap book. It is amazing. She cried as she gave it to me and I was so confused. I saw the pictures of myself and I realized I have no idea what was going on. She did so much work and only a few people contributed. I was so happy and relieved to see messages from people who were not able to be there. Nobody was avoiding me.

We requested no presents for the party. I really wanted people to come to the show with nothing in tow and open minds. I wanted them to take it all in. For me that was a celebration. I love making the stuff that I do. Sometimes, I feel so great about what I produce and other times, I feel foolish and want to burn it all. Having a show was a way to share me. This is who I am and this is what I am doing. I was glad that I got such positive responses. That was a great gift.

So, here it is my real birthday and I am wondering if anything is going to happen. Will my family get any presents for me? Last year, I was so sad. Not anymore! No way!

"I'm proud to say that I am 50 years old. I'm not one of them gals who's afraid to tell her real age. I'm 50! I like to kick! stretch! and kick! I'm 50! 50 years old!" I get to say it for a whole year, every day. And I will! People who matter, won't mind and people who mind, don't matter.