I am obviously unread maybe even brown bread

Today I go for Round Number 4 of a full day of neuropsych testing to see how well the 3 months of cognitive rehabilitation went. Six months before, one week before, one week after and six months after. At this point with my relationships further deteriorating, the misunderstandings piling up behind me, the wreckage of failed friendships, and the occasional dose of charitable pity, I feel like giving up. It is one of those sad, I just can't take it anymore days. Oh good, something to look forward to the deep morass, the sinking sucking black tar that will grip my whole body and weigh me down. I keep defending myself. I was just trying to help but then people get hurt. I am clearly misguided. My own cognitive distortions too strong to be distinguished from fiction, I will have to completely break from my own sense of reality to see my hand in front of my face. Can someone tell me why it is worth it?